Threesome dating in the US

Anyone can promise you a meet. We'd rather show you who's actually nearby

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Who's actually on here

Couples make up most of the site. Typically both partners are in their late thirties or forties, they've been together a long time, and they're looking for a woman to join them. A smaller number want another couple, or a single man.

Single women are the smallest group and get the most messages by a wide margin. If you're a couple, that asymmetry is the single most useful thing to understand about this site.

Single men are here too. Being honest about it: you'll get fewer replies than either of the other two groups. The men who do well read the profile properly and write to both people, not just to her.

Couples looking for a third

This is what most people come here for

Write the profile together. It's obvious from the outside when a couple's bio was written entirely by him, and it's the most common reason women skip past. Say who you both are, what you're hoping for, and roughly where you are. Somewhere around thirty words is plenty; the members here don't write essays and don't read them either.

Then accept that the first two weeks is slow. A woman on this site opens her inbox to a lot of near-identical messages. Yours gets read when it mentions something she actually wrote, and when it's clear you've both agreed what you're asking for.

If you're new to this, say so. It's common here and it reads as honest rather than inexperienced. If nothing's landing after a few weeks, the usual reasons are worth a look.

Singles meeting couples

If you're a single woman, you're in demand and you can afford to be selective. Look for profiles where both partners have written something, where they're specific about what they want, and where nothing reads like a checklist. A couple that has clearly discussed their own terms before messaging you is a couple that's thought about yours.

You set the pace. Chat first if you want to, ask what they've agreed between themselves, and say what you're not up for. Anyone who treats that as difficult has told you something useful. There's more on reading a couple properly in joining as a single woman .

If you're a single man, the same advice applies with more patience attached. Message both of them. Don't lead with what you'd like to do. Don't send photos nobody asked for.

Where members are

Like any niche site, this one is thicker in big metros than in small towns. Rather than guess, look at who's actually near you.

The part couples usually get wrong

It isn't the third. It's the two of you.

Almost everything that goes badly was already there before anyone else turned up: one of you was keener than the other, and neither of you said so. One agreed in theory and wasn't fine on the night. Or nobody decided in advance what was and wasn't happening, so it got decided at speed, in a room, by two people who couldn't talk freely.

So have the boring conversation first. What are you each hoping for. What's off the table. What either of you says if you want to stop, and the agreement that stopping needs no explanation. Rules, boundaries and jealousy covers what's worth settling.

Then extend the same courtesy outwards. The third can stop it too, at any point, for no stated reason. If that sounds like it would ruin the evening, this probably isn't for you yet.

What a free account covers

Joining is free. So is building a profile, browsing and searching members, and matching within a daily limit.

The catch is messaging. On a free Classic account you can open messages that VIP members send you, but writing to whoever you like needs VIP. VIP also lets you filter search to Verified members, whose photos a moderator has checked against a photo ID.

We'd rather you read that here than discover it after someone interesting gets in touch. Have a look around for free first, and upgrade when you've found people close enough to be worth writing to. You can cancel whenever you want through support, and what free covers sets out the rest.

Features and membership options can change as the site develops. Check what's included on the membership page in your account before you upgrade.

Create a free profile

Staying sensible about it

• Meet in public first. All three of you, a drink, somewhere neutral. It's the cheapest way to find out whether the chemistry is real.
• Keep it on the site until you trust them. A push to move to WhatsApp in the first few messages is the most common opening move of a fake profile, and the other shapes are worth knowing.
• Nobody needs a "dating ID". This site never asks for one. Anyone who tells you otherwise is running a scam, so block and report them.
• Talk about protection and testing before anyone's undressed. It's a normal part of casual sex, not an accusation.
• Blocking is invisible. A blocked member can't see you, search for you or message you, and is never told. Reports are anonymous.

Questions people ask

Is there a site for couples looking for a third?

That's what this one is for. You can join as a couple, search for single women, single men or other couples, and say on your profile which you're after. Writing the profile is where most of it is won or lost.

Where can couples go to find a third?

Realistically: a site like this one, lifestyle events and clubs, or asking someone you already know. The last of those is how most friendships get complicated, which is why sites like this exist. All five routes compared goes through the trade-offs.

Do we have to pay to message someone?

To message freely, yes. A free account can open messages that VIP members send you, but starting conversations needs VIP. Joining, browsing and searching cost nothing.

Are the profiles real?

Plenty are, and some aren't, the same as any dating site. Every photo is checked by a moderator before it goes live, VIP lets you filter to Verified members, and anyone can be reported anonymously. Be wary of bios with nothing specific in them and anyone who mentions money.

How common is this, really?

More common than people admit and less common than the internet suggests. Plenty of couples talk about it for years before trying it, and a fair few try it once and decide it wasn't for them. Both are ordinary.

Can we join as a couple?

Yes. Sign up as a couple and your profile carries both of your ages, so nobody's guessing who they're talking to.